Tag: Neil Gaiman

Reasons Why I Hate Where I Live

I was born, and raised, in a small town in North Louisiana. As a child I was quite proud of that fact, and had no trouble boasting about it to anyone that would listen. I think back to those moments of childhood and shake my head. If only I knew then what I know now.

Living where I live adds many degrees of difficulty in my everyday life. For one, when I am having to fill out information on websites, and it asks what “county” I live in. Interesting fact for the day, Louisiana doesn’t have counties. We have parishes. There is no Bienville of Lincoln county.

When people hear about Louisiana, they automatically think of Cajuns, or more specifically, New Orleans. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been asked about New Orleans. “How far are you from New Orleans?” “How badly was your home damaged in Katrina?” “Ooh so-and-so is playing in New Orleans, are you going?” There is more to Louisiana than just New Orleans. In fact, it is impossible for the entire state of Louisiana to live in New Orleans. Yes, I am mentioning it over and over again so perhaps you can understand MY frustrations.

No I do not own an alligator, and no I do not live in a swamp.

I do, however, know where to find a swamp.

The town that I live in, and have lived in for my entire life, has nada in regards to entertainment for people my age. The only malls that have anything worth buying are about 45 minutes in either direction. There’s Bonnie and Clyde, but that only happens once a month, or I’m not a big fan of the events they have staged there.

That’s another thing I hate about where I live. Bonnie and Clyde WERE NOT KILLED HERE. STOP IT. -deep breath-

There are so many celebrities that I wish to meet in my lifetime, so many that I want to get autographs from before I die. So many people that I’d love to just… shake their hands. There are so many bands that I want to watch play JUST for the sake of saying I did it!

But guess where they all go.

That’s right. If these bands, or celebrities, even so much as bother looking at Louisiana, they usually end up in New Orleans. I realize this is not the fault of the celebrity in question, or the band, it’s all about supply and demand. And Louisiana isn’t going to demand a lot of people I like, because they have nothing to do with God, the Government, NASCAR, Football, or Drinking Beer. You know, the five main religions of the south. Which brings me to my next point.

I am smack in the middle of the Bible Belt. I wouldn’t say we’re the belt buckle, but we’re probably close. Which means I am in the center of racism, homophobia, and bible thumping. Being different is not okay here. You’re supposed to fit into a certain mold, and if you do not fit such a mold, the system works against you.

I’m not saying this is true for everyone who lives in this state, or any of the other southern states. Obviously I’m an exception to the rule, so there must be others.

What I mean is, when I was in school I wore all black. I drew on my arm, and my clothes, I liked “gothic” stuff. As soon as I turned 18 I got my tongue pierced, and as soon as I turned 19 I got my lip pierced. I was dubbed the “trouble maker”, even if I was doing nothing more than sitting there reading a book. A lot of rules were made against the “gothic students”, whereas the cheerleaders or athletes could get away with whatever they chose.

I’ve had so many people come up to pray for me when I, again, was doing nothing more than sitting around reading a book. No kidding. I was actually in the mall, in the bookstore, just reading. I had Tripp pants on, my hair was dyed black, and I was reading a book. READING A BOOK. This woman walked up to me and asked for my name, and said she would pray for me in hopes that I would fix myself. Um. Excuse the fuck out of you, woman. Who the hell do you think you are, and since when did the “rules” not apply to you?

A really good friend of mine was once warned to stay away from me because I wore all black. That obviously makes me a devil worshiper. Again. Excuse the fuck out of you?

I am a nice, good person. I wear all black, and I’m quirky. Sometimes I misplace that filter between your mouth and brain that keeps you from saying things, and sometimes my shame is in the same hiding place. But I am a genuinely good person. I love helping people, and I love making others feel better. I’ve made mistakes, just like everyone else, but when you cut me I still bleed. It took a very VERY long time for me to get over worrying what people thought about me. Yes, I still wear all black. Mostly because I am TERRIBLE at matching clothes (ask my ex-husband if you don’t believe me), and black matches black every time!

Unless I’m killing your pets, or I’ve actually dragged you into the middle of a circle drawn in blood, do not accuse me of anything. I don’t even believe in the devil.

Anyway.

One thing I will say in defense of the south. Not everyone born here is an idiot. Our accents may make us talk a little slower, and our drawl might make us sound stupid, but I can guarantee you that is not the case. And seriously people, stop acting like you can do our accents better than us.

Stupid cast of True Blood. They sound like they’re from Alabama, not Louisiana. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE YOU KNOW.

-sigh-

The original point of all of this was pointing out the lack of celebrities and entertainment in this state, but with all things my brain decided it needed to rant. So back to my original point.

Neil Gaiman is doing a US Book Signing, the last one he’ll do. And guess what? I can’t go because there wasn’t enough of a demand.
I’ll never meet people like Jeaniene Frost, Laurell K. Hamilton, Tom Hiddleston, Matt Smith, Ville Valo etc.

I’ll never get to shake hands with Ozzy Osbourne.

And you know what? It sucks. All because I live in a backwoods little hick town.

Seriously. It sucks.

I know none of them will see this blog, and even if they did I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve heard this from a fan. But if I could meet these people face to face, I’d tell them simply this: You guys are a huge inspiration to me. I appreciate all the hard work and dedication that you do. You’ve all brought me out of a lot of hard, bad places, and you’ve made me realize that it’s okay to be different. Keep doing what you do, and I’ll keep loving you.

Now THAT is out of the way…What do you guys think of where you live? Is it better or worse?

Oh, and as a side note, I’ve been watching the views to see just how many people visit my blog, and I must say thank you to each and every one of you. I have to ask, though….Why am I so popular in Canada? AllTimeViews

Not that I’m complaining, of course. Just curious!

Letter to Myself

On February 4, 2013, one of my favorite authors began a project where he proceeded to ask his twitter followers a variety of different questions for each month of the year. I decided to participate, and posted a few of my own answers here and there when I could come up with something worthwhile to mention. At first I thought it was just a fun little game, but the more I started reading the responses other people were submitting, I began to realize just how serious this was. (For information on this particular project, visit: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2013/02/a-very-late-blog-about-trying-to-make.html)

Some of the questions were just for fun, but others were truly soul-searching. I wanted to reach through my computer screen on many separate occasions and hug some of the people who responded. For twelve hours, I felt a connection to complete strangers that I might never have experienced otherwise. I laughed with people, cried with people, from all over the world. I’m not sure Neil Gaiman ever intended to have such a reaction from his followers, but it is quite obvious that he received it nevertheless.

It was quite exciting watching all of the months pass by, reading all of the responses as they trickled in. The last question, however, was probably the most heart wrenching…

LettertoSelf2

Seems like a simple enough question considering we have all lost someone that we would give anything in this world to see again. There were the typical answers you would expect to see in response to such a question (Typical, but still important to the equation), some had me staring at the screen with a wide open jaw, thinking “Wow… Perhaps my life isn’t so bad after all…” But some of the answers had me pondering….to the point that I’ve had this thought worm chewing on my brain for four days now…

LettertoSelf

Lettertoself3

Not only did these two answers in particular make me rethink my own answer (I said I wanted to see my best friend again who passed away before I could tell her goodbye), but it made me start reevaluating my own past. If I had a time machine, there would be a lot I would go back to tell myself. Admittedly I probably wouldn’t listen anyway, but I would at least try. For three days I pondered this… if I could go back…. what would I say?

I came up with the idea somewhere in the course of the past few days that I was going to sit down and write a letter to myself naming off a variety of things I would tell my past self if given the opportunity, but then realized I could make it bigger than that. I could make this a yearly project all my very own. As life goes on, we are all guilty of being caught up in the swing of things, of taking the little things for granted, and of not appreciating what we should in the time before it is lost. As each year passes, I want to write a letter to myself as a way to realize perhaps things aren’t as bad as I thought they were. A way to pull out the positive, so to speak.

Dear Younger Self,

Your mother and father don’t always know how to tell you, but they do love you. They are trying their best for you, even if there were always better options. Don’t hold so much against them, because that will drive a huge wedge between you that you will never be able to pull out.

I know you feel alone, and scared, but believe me when I say you are anything but alone. There are so many people in the world who know exactly what you are going through. Cutting is not the answer… All you are going to do is leave scars all over your body that you will have to answer for later. And you will. Trust me, you will. After a while you’ll begin to run out of excuses and, upon the inquirer the truth, you will receive pity. You don’t want pity, do you? Not to mention, they are going to serve as constant reminders each time you pull your sleeve up, and you’ll never forget just how much pain you were in.

I know you think suicide is the only way out, but I’m here to tell you that if you die, you will miss out on so much. You’ll meet some of the best people in the world. Put that bottle of pills down, put the razorblade away. It does get better from here, you just have to keep your head up and believe in yourself.

Stop spending all of your money trying to impress your friends and pay for your boyfriend’s stuff. You’re only 16, and he’s a grown man, he can do it himself. And if he can’t, then he needs to grow up as well. If your friends cannot be your friends when you do not have money, then they aren’t worth keeping around.

Learn to stand up for yourself. You will get so much more accomplished if you stop letting people take advantage of you. I realize you are trying to see the good in everyone, and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes there just is no good to find. Hold those that love you regardless of what you have to offer closer, because in the end, those are the only ones who will stick around.

Don’t worry about those miscarriages you had, my darling. Soon you will be graced with the most beautiful baby girl you’ve ever seen in your life, and she will become your entire world. Please don’t give up hope, and stop thinking that you won’t be able to have children. She’s truly wonderful, let me just say that.

Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into marriage. Do not settle. Period. But at the same time you need to learn how to compromise a bit better. The relationships you were in were doomed to fail, you could not have helped that, but good things did come from them.

Stop letting the fears from your fast get in the way of your future. Your friends, your lovers, and your family cannot undo what has been done, and though they want to help you it is not fair to force the burden of your past onto them. What I mean is: The past is the past, the future is the future. Learn from your mistakes, but do not let them dictate your every move. You’re going to lose a lot of friends and learn this the hard way, but it is a valuable life lesson that you’ll carry with you from that point on.

Don’t ever start smoking. Seriously. You’ll become addicted to the habit, you’ll be irritable without it, and you’re going to miss out on a LOT. Yes, that means you lose your excuse to leave a crowded room when you want, but the benefits outweigh the sacrifices.

Remember that book you were trying to right in your senior year of high school? Guess what? I finished it. It isn’t published yet, but the people who have read it thoroughly enjoyed it. You’re a great, and talented writer even if you do not yet see it. Trust me though, you will.

And finally, love yourself. Love yourself more and more every day. Do not rely on the words of others. Compliments are one thing, but if you know you have a talent, don’t wait for someone to tell you they enjoy it. You’ll get nowhere. You could have joined choirs, you could have joined writing groups, so much could have been done with your life if you’d just stop letting the opinions of others rule your life. You’re beautiful, wonderful, and talented, and it is perfectly okay to accept that and believe it.

Love always,

Your future self…

P.S. Seriously what kind of drugs were you on when you thought your handwriting was legible? Start writing clearly and NOT IN SHORT HAND if you want me to remember the notes you wrote me. Thank you.