Ways to Tell You are a Parent

Parenthood is a gloriously frustrating time period that is both rewarding and disgusting. We have our  days and our bad, our ups and our downs. But nothing, and I mean nothing, can compare to having children.

In light of the fact that Mother’s Day just passed, and Father’s Day is right around the corner, I have decided to dedicate this blog to all the hard working mom’s, dad’s, stepparent’s, godparent’s, and grandparent’s out there.

How to tell you are a parent:

1). You appreciate your own parents more, and begin to realize maybe they weren’t as stupid as you used to think.

2). You’ve ever apologized to your parents/written a letter of apology because your child just did something you used to do.

3). You’ve muttered the phrase “I hope you have one just like you one day.”

4). You’ve tiptoed out of a room after tucking in every stuffed animal your child owns, and your child insists that you be quiet because said animals are sleeping.
5). It’s strange to you when you can hold a conversation that doesn’t involve frequent interruptions like “get that out of your mouth”, “get down before you break something”, or “no, you cannot bring your sand into the house.”

6). You’ve said phrases you swore you would never say because they annoyed you as a kid. I.E: Because I said so.

7). The idea of being pooped on, peed on, or vomited on doesn’t bother you nearly as much as it used to.

8). It looks like you’re packing for a week long vacation just to make a simple trip.

9). You make for a great jungle gym, which is a skill you didn’t realize you possessed.

10). You judge what you listen to/watch based on what you want to hear repeated back to you later.  “Oh yes, she has the entire bible memorized!”

11). You do the strangest things in public without even thinking about the fact that you are surrounded by people thinking you belong in a but house. Such as: sniffing your child’s butt, dancing, singing, making silly noises, etc.

12). You’ve cheered about bodily functions like you were at a sports event.

13). Partying every weekend is a thing of the past. In fact, the real party is if you can have a shower/eat/do chores in one day.

14). You have at least one kid’s book memorized.

15). You have the theme, characters, and catch phrases of at least three kid’s shows memorized.

16). You’ve cut down on your sugar intake on the basis of “if I open this, I’ll have to give it to the kid too…..”

17). You realized that the whole “poisoned candy” thing at Halloween was a way for your parents to eat your candy, and you have since used it.

18). Instead of being awake 24+ hours because of partying, you’ve been up for 24+ hours because of baby.

19). You’ve picked your child’s nose, pulled out a huge booger, and it didn’t phase you.

20). You’ve had to stop at least once in the course of reading this blog to say something to said child.

21). You’ve ever watched kid’s shows, and you were all alone.

22). You buy toys with the thought in mind “How bad is this going to hurt when I step on it?”

23). Most of your conversations with friends or family involve something your little one did.

24). You’ve said very strange things that you never thought belonged in a sentence together, let alone would ever come out of your mouth. Example: No, you may not shove a crayon up the dog’s butt,that’s rude.

25). You can now communicate efficiently with a single look or gesture.

26). Peeing alone, and with the door shut, is a luxury, not a right.

27). Your bathroom has looked like someone tried to wash a whale with the amount of water on the floor.

28). The flowers in your yard are segregated by which ones you don’t mind your child picking.

29). You despise the word “why?” and feel pieces of your sanity slip away each time you hear it.

30). You can relate to this list in any way, shape, or form.

Being a parent is challenging, but nothing is more reading than baby kisses and hugs. I’m sure there are thousands more items that could be added to this list, but I must try to convince my child that running around outside with no clothes on is indecent. I hope you’ve enjoyed this!

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