I’m sitting in my car listening to sad songs, trying to let music justify the emotions I currently feel. At the very least put into words what I’m feeling so that I might understand them. I’ve been doing that a lot here recently. I’m just unsure about everything.

It’s a little depressing. A few months ago I knew exactly what I wanted. I was finally thinking long term. I finally felt like I belonged. I felt pride and confidence.

But now I feel like my world is slowly crashing and cracking around me. Everyone feels like a stranger, including myself. I’m so overwhelmed with darkness and I’m trying to swim out of it. I can’t let it beat me. Not yet.

I want t the new year to be better. I want happiness and joy. I want someone to think about when I’m down that will make me smile and chase this away.

I had a thought and it’s turned into a goal, I think. I want to start over. I want to find a place where no one knows my name. I want to disappear.

So we’ll see.